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[10 Feb 2016|12:04pm]
You Were Made For This

My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.

You are right in your assessments. The lustre and hubris some have aspired to while endorsing acts so heinous against children, elders, everyday people, the poor, the unguarded, the helpless, is breathtaking. Yet, I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is that we were made for these times. Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement.

I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakened souls, there have never been more able vessels in the waters than there are right now across the world. And they are fully provisioned and able to signal one another as never before in the history of humankind.

Look out over the prow; there are millions of boats of righteous souls on the waters with you. Even though your veneers may shiver from every wave in this stormy roil, I assure you that the long timbers composing your prow and rudder come from a greater forest. That long-grained lumber is known to withstand storms, to hold together, to hold its own, and to advance, regardless.

In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. There is a tendency, too, to fall into being weakened by dwelling on what is outside your reach, by what cannot yet be. Do not focus there. That is spending the wind without raising the sails.

We are needed, that is all we can know. And though we meet resistance, we more so will meet great souls who will hail us, love us and guide us, and we will know them when they appear. Didn't you say you were a believer? Didn't you say you pledged to listen to a voice greater? Didn't you ask for grace? Don't you remember that to be in grace means to submit to the voice greater?

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.

What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these – to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.

Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.

There will always be times when you feel discouraged. I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it. I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate.

The reason is this: In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours. They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D
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[05 Nov 2015|01:50pm]
He is so cute. So cute. But so not appropriate for this lifetime. I know it's gonna suck to part ways when the time comes

But I also know He is almost here, we are almost together...

And it will be surreally magical, incomparable to this current tinging in my heart.

I will wait. I will wait for you.
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[27 Aug 2015|06:19pm]
My neighbors name is Faith and she keeps a bowl of water on the fire escape for birds to bathe
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[29 Apr 2015|02:08pm]
having to admit how much this world hurts my heart.

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eeeek [07 Dec 2008|10:24am]
If I lost this journal, I would be very sad ):
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[09 Jun 2007|03:45pm]

things are going alright. as alright as they can be, at least. i still get panic attacks where i can't breathe and my fists and jaws just clench up and my insides feel like they have been ripped out, leaving a hollow cave inside of me. Sometimes i shake. and it just comes in waves.
like i can be perfectly fine, and then it hits me that he's gone randomly and i lose it.
i've been so strong around my friends, but the other night we were all hanging out at kt's, and it just hit me and i had to go into her room and sob. i talk to him, even though he cannot hear me. i tell him i'm sorry i get so upset, i know he wouldn't want me to, but i just love him so much and can't believe i won't see him again. i tell him i'm trying to be strong. i look at my tattoo and remember. sometimes, i make sure i smile twice as much as normal, because i know he would want me to.
i still get so angry when i think about it. like right now hot tears are streaming down my face and my insides are all knotted up.
but, it makes you realize how much little stuff doesn't matter. it makes me remember about how i just need to have fun and appreciate everyone.
i take everything so much lighter now. i don't sweat the little stuff. life is precious, but it's also not meant to be taken totally serious. and benjamin knew this, for a fact. i'm trying, beaner, i'm trying. i love you.

i've been learning to have fun. like i said, just chill out and smile and laugh. the devastation comes and goes.
i've been going out and being crazy.
flirting with boys.
learning to take life as it comes, and just try to have fun with it and make the most of it.

i'm going to training for camp next week. i'm excited! i'm going to be a certified lifeguard. annnnnd i get paid 2000 dollars for the whole summer. PAYING ME FOR SOMETHING I WOULD DO FOR FREE????? wow, sometimes life is toooooo kind.
i get to see all my boys and girllllls. i'm so excited. i can't wait to be uplifted by their smiles and laughs and yells and hugs and dunks and holding their hands and child-like insight. and moved by their strength and hurt and confusion - and try to help them understand it.
i also am going on a canoe trip with some of the older kids. woooooooooooooooah. that's going to be nuts - haha!

ok well i'm going to go get ready to possibly go out for the night or whatnot. i have a paper to finish but i think i'm just going to finish it allll night tonight. i have to be in tulsa by 8:30 am monday!! eeeekk. oh well, i'm excited to drive up there by myself and just have time to think everything over. i could use some good thinkin time.

i want to start updating you like old times, and i think i will. it really does help me think through things i'm going through and plus it's just fun! so, with that, i will keep ya updated on my summer though for a lot of it i will be gone at camp, but nonetheless. i think this summer is going to be one with a lot of growing and learning in it. i can already feel it within me.

cya lj. MUCH LOVE.

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it.

This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit. Why would I want them to?”

When I die if you need to weep
Cry for your brother or sister
Walking the street beside you
And when you need me put your arms around anyone
And give them what you need to give me.

I want to leave you something
Something better than words or sounds.

Look for me in the people I've known or loved
And if you cannot give me away
At least let me live in your eyes and not on your mind.

You can love me most by letting hands touch hands
By letting bodies touch bodies
And by letting go of children that need to be free.

Love doesn't die, people do
So when all that's left of me is love
Give me away.
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[29 Nov 2006|04:44pm]
it's freezing cold outside
and supposed to ice over tonight!
i hate the cold and i love the cold
because of how it makes me feel.
you know?

my man is on his way
to snuggle me to death.
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[11 Sep 2005|09:59pm]

4 comments|post comment

love... [03 Jun 2004|05:11pm]
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[28 Feb 2004|03:26pm]
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[22 Feb 2004|12:39am]
About this...
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